…to you that gave me a place to live, a place to call home.
…to you that carried my two kids.
…to you that I did not know how to listen and carry for.
…to you that I pushed, punished and ignored.
…to you that I am just starting to discover and accept.
I join the breathing exercise because I believed it was a good method to try to connect to you, to my body that I have trouble to accept.
At the beginning of the exercise I set the following intention (while holding my hand over my heart): “Please show me a way to see, love and accept my body”.
Oh boy, and how it did!
After laying on the mattress and a few breaths I had tears in my eyes and felt tingling in my hands. I was surprised by the overwhelming feeling of shame that was taking over me.
I was able to see my brother inside my body talking, saying to my cells “You are fat!”, “You are ugly!”, “You are a ballerina!” (sarcastically of course).
With each breath I could feel my body shrinking and like in an iron cage. It was a short lived helpless feeling.
I was able to feel my kids, one on each side, touching me and giving me their love. While taking a breath, I was able to inhale both of my kids and they were inside my body.
I took them for a walk inside my body, just as I do when we go to a park. They loved it there. When passing by the uterus they were delighted to see there old home.
It was such a peaceful moment. With each breath I could feel myself more and more. They even scratched the walls (like when you scratch old paint off the walls) and painted my insides with gold paint.
I can still feel (after 10 days) the joy and peace I experienced that day. I even had a party with my kids on the inside. We were also joined by different versions of my inner Children. I actually stood up and danced during the exercise.
While breathing as instructed by the very kind teacher, I was able to kick my brother out of my body. I actually stood up an and kicked him out.
The entire process left me with a feeling of pure joy and it was a very big step in accepting and loving myself.