I finally made it to a breathwork session. I say finally because I have previously signed up to at least four sessions and have cancelled every single one of them. Each time I thought it was because I was sick, or that it was social anxiety but what I have now realised is that it was fear. The fear surrounded something new, something unfamiliar for me.
I had fear up until the breathwork started, in fact I was so scared that I was already experiencing a strong emotional response (through crying before we even started). It was so strong that I even considered leaving before we begun the breathing technique. In the end I stayed and the simple reason is because although I was petrified, I felt safe. I was in a safe environment; I was surrounded by community sisters and I trusted Jeanne to keep me safe.
What I can say now is WOW! Wow, wow, wow! What an intense and powerful experience. Before we started, I picked one of Jeannes mandala cards for the inner child and it said ‘Embrace the fear’ (yes I also found it amusing). I am so glad I picked that card as it helped me to be courageous. Was I scared during the breathwork? Yes, I was, I was scared because I was feeling intense physical sensations so much so that it felt as though I was possessed.
During this experience I was shaking, my legs were sore and cramping up and I was crying uncontrollably. I also felt really cold but not once did I feel unsafe. Jeanne was so observant and gentle, that as soon as I got a bit scared again, I was able to become calm again and continue with the breathing technique. After the hour was up I felt really drained and exhausted but also so proud of myself for being so brave and courageous.
A few days later I feel as though I have released a lot of trauma in my body, I feel like I am still processing things subconsciously but I also feel a relief. It is as though so many emotions have come to the surface that need to come out. It also helped me to be able to recognise just how much trauma I have stored in my body which is something I never truly recognised or understood. I am aware that no breathwork session will be the same but I am also no longer scared.
I am beyond grateful to be a part of such a safe and supportive community which gives me access to such wonderful sessions and workshops such as breathwork. This will not be my last breathwork session, I am looking forward to the next ones.